Happy holidays everyone. I hope everyone had a lovely celebration of food and stuff. I know I did. Since I got back on track with my eating habits, I've been doing much better in these feast months. I refrained from baking holiday treats and tried to keep as much of it out of my line of sight as I could. So I managed to lose a few pounds. That can be a remarkable inspiration especially when things are busy. One thing I have lost ground on is getting my arse to the gym. With so much to get done, much of my time was taken up. So with the new year time to once again fling myself into the breach. This year I have some extra help. My dear hubby got me a Fitbit Force for xmas. I'm sure most have seen this gadget. It's a little like a high tech pedometer, but also tracks your sleep patterns, steps climbed and has a nice dashboard interface where you can track food and water consumption. I always say that knowledge is power, and you cannot hope to change your habits until you know what they are. Also it is nice to be able to see all of your progress over time. Helps to remember how far you've come. I look forward to learning much in the new year. I hope that yours will also be filled with learning and laughter and love. Be kind to others and also remember to be kind to yourself. You are worthy of that.
" I'm not what I should be, not what I'm going to be, but at least I'm not what I was."
Friday, December 27, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
The Comeback Kid
It is inherently amazing what it takes to lose the last 15 pounds. People always say the hard part is getting started. The hell it is. The hard part is after the shiny is worn off your new toys, the new sneaker smell is gone and you are so SO tired of eating the same things, over and over. This is the hard part. It's easy to give up at this point. After all, you've made lovely progress. Twenty pounds, more or less, gone. But I always say this is the sneakiest trick your brain will play on you. Where the progress you've made will seem like "enough", even though it's not even close to your goal. And we all know close only counts in elections and hand grenades.
Here's the dirty, ugly truth. I'm not there yet. And my program is not shiny anymore and mostly I just want to eat chocolate and tell my body to sod off. But this is where I can't let myself falter, this is the tipping point between success and backsliding down into the same hole. When I think of it like that, no chocolate in the world seems worth that return trip to hell.
I won't say the last few months have been perfect. They have included moving house, working out of town for almost 2 months, living out of hotel rooms and restaurants. But the good news is, I haven't given up too much ground. And I have always enjoyed a good comeback. Now is the hard part, making the old stuff seem shiny again. Re-learning everything I thought I had down to a science. I am almost there.
Almost doesn't count.
Here's the dirty, ugly truth. I'm not there yet. And my program is not shiny anymore and mostly I just want to eat chocolate and tell my body to sod off. But this is where I can't let myself falter, this is the tipping point between success and backsliding down into the same hole. When I think of it like that, no chocolate in the world seems worth that return trip to hell.
I won't say the last few months have been perfect. They have included moving house, working out of town for almost 2 months, living out of hotel rooms and restaurants. But the good news is, I haven't given up too much ground. And I have always enjoyed a good comeback. Now is the hard part, making the old stuff seem shiny again. Re-learning everything I thought I had down to a science. I am almost there.
Almost doesn't count.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Beast Mode
As a woman, being in my 30s now I don't think I qualify as a girl, I've always heard the mantra from the fitness world "cardio burns fat! cardio will lose weight!" and that has been my watch word and guide. However, I've discovered something...interesting.
The Weight Room.
Not the pretty Nautilus equipment with the color coordinating pads. The free weights. Barbells, dumbbells and benches scattered across a space that looks more like a torture chamber than a place to exercise. I'd never spent much time in there, mostly because no one told me I should. I've always prided myself on being fairly strong, due to the naturally dense muscle I appear to have inherited and have always had, but since I joined Fitocracy (and if you haven't, go do it) I've been seeing these women, young and older, who are not cardio bunnies. These ladies move some metal. I can show you a 25-year-old woman who can deadlift 150 lbs. That's not strong for a girl, that's just strong. Period.
That's when I said, maybe I need to start looking into this. It appears to work. So I started to read up online and bought a few books, began to plan my workouts as circuits of exercises that went together. I do better in the gym if I have a plan. Otherwise, I wander round and do nothing useful.
My first time trying to deadlift, I took a little video and posted it on the site. I needed feedback, since I wasn't sure I was doing it right. I received so much helpful info from people I didn't know, and who didn't know me, it was amazing. I can now deadlift about 30lbs pretty handily and my squats now always drop below parallel.
Some folks I know wonder why I would invade this boys' club. Why do I want to lift weights? Aren't I afraid of bulking up? And to that I say...Piffle. No really, piffle. You can only seriously bulk up if your genes allow for it or you are somehow chemically altering yourself. I don't, so that's no problem. It's not a Boys' club, it's a Lifters' club, and the only time I get even a cross look is when I fuss at someone for not racking the plates.
And I want to lift weights because it WORKS. It's helping my body become healthy and strong and it will kick the arse of the last 10 lbs I have to lose.
Weight training isn't scary, isn't dangerous and will not make you look like a man. It will make you a better woman.
Go, get strong.
The Weight Room.
Not the pretty Nautilus equipment with the color coordinating pads. The free weights. Barbells, dumbbells and benches scattered across a space that looks more like a torture chamber than a place to exercise. I'd never spent much time in there, mostly because no one told me I should. I've always prided myself on being fairly strong, due to the naturally dense muscle I appear to have inherited and have always had, but since I joined Fitocracy (and if you haven't, go do it) I've been seeing these women, young and older, who are not cardio bunnies. These ladies move some metal. I can show you a 25-year-old woman who can deadlift 150 lbs. That's not strong for a girl, that's just strong. Period.
That's when I said, maybe I need to start looking into this. It appears to work. So I started to read up online and bought a few books, began to plan my workouts as circuits of exercises that went together. I do better in the gym if I have a plan. Otherwise, I wander round and do nothing useful.
My first time trying to deadlift, I took a little video and posted it on the site. I needed feedback, since I wasn't sure I was doing it right. I received so much helpful info from people I didn't know, and who didn't know me, it was amazing. I can now deadlift about 30lbs pretty handily and my squats now always drop below parallel.
Some folks I know wonder why I would invade this boys' club. Why do I want to lift weights? Aren't I afraid of bulking up? And to that I say...Piffle. No really, piffle. You can only seriously bulk up if your genes allow for it or you are somehow chemically altering yourself. I don't, so that's no problem. It's not a Boys' club, it's a Lifters' club, and the only time I get even a cross look is when I fuss at someone for not racking the plates.
And I want to lift weights because it WORKS. It's helping my body become healthy and strong and it will kick the arse of the last 10 lbs I have to lose.
Weight training isn't scary, isn't dangerous and will not make you look like a man. It will make you a better woman.
Go, get strong.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Cutting Off Your Nose
A recent trip to my doctor made me laugh. He was pleased that I had lost a pound that I had gained last time but was concerned about me possibly plateauing. Then I gave him my food diary for the past week. He read it. Read it again. Looked up at me and said,
"Actually, with the way you have veered off the path this week, it's kind of a miracle you didn't gain. You might be the only patient I have who loses weight in spite of what she does, instead of because of what she does."
He may have been right. A little. I haven't been eating very well in the last month. I've let stress and illness be excuses for me to grab cheap and easy foods that have nothing to do with my long-term goals. But I've found some great printable food journals on Pinterest (the Weight Watchers ones are too small) and I'm really trying to keep that up. It does really help when you see what you have eaten that day. Makes you re-think the brownie or the extra soda.
So hopefully next month I can go back and say "I've stopped cutting off my nose now."
You know, to spite my face?
"Actually, with the way you have veered off the path this week, it's kind of a miracle you didn't gain. You might be the only patient I have who loses weight in spite of what she does, instead of because of what she does."
He may have been right. A little. I haven't been eating very well in the last month. I've let stress and illness be excuses for me to grab cheap and easy foods that have nothing to do with my long-term goals. But I've found some great printable food journals on Pinterest (the Weight Watchers ones are too small) and I'm really trying to keep that up. It does really help when you see what you have eaten that day. Makes you re-think the brownie or the extra soda.
So hopefully next month I can go back and say "I've stopped cutting off my nose now."
You know, to spite my face?
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Vague and Far Away
Since my hubby is home this week, for the 3rd time this month (unprecedented!) I have taken it in hand to cook for us, at least dinner. Since I have a very competent sous chef at work, I'm not really cooking that much there. So I'm trying to rediscover what I liked about cooking in the first place. Or if I can even do it anymore. I did some fried chicken, got the breading a bit too salty. Shrimp Linguine, maybe a little too lemon-y. I was going to try banana bread, but I'm scared of throwing the tilt of the Earth off. I can't be responsible for that.
So I'm trying to retrain my culinary muscles. It's a bit like going back to the gym after illness or injury. First, it's frustrating. You can't do what you used to, or, you can't do it easily. You try to go heavier and you can't even pick up the bar. It's tough to have to go backwards so that you can catch yourself back up. It's hard to remember your former awesomeness and have that awesomeness seem dim and fuzzy and far off on the horizon.
We have to have patience with ourselves. Some things, you can pick back up with no trouble. Other things, well you have to remember how hard you worked to get those skills to begin with. Now you just have to drop back and punt.
And I like my Shrimp Linguine lemon-y.
So I'm trying to retrain my culinary muscles. It's a bit like going back to the gym after illness or injury. First, it's frustrating. You can't do what you used to, or, you can't do it easily. You try to go heavier and you can't even pick up the bar. It's tough to have to go backwards so that you can catch yourself back up. It's hard to remember your former awesomeness and have that awesomeness seem dim and fuzzy and far off on the horizon.
We have to have patience with ourselves. Some things, you can pick back up with no trouble. Other things, well you have to remember how hard you worked to get those skills to begin with. Now you just have to drop back and punt.
And I like my Shrimp Linguine lemon-y.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Last Full Measure
I know I've been lax about posting here. But the simple fact is that I post when I have something to say and the Muse has been quiet lately. All of my energy is devoted right now to getting through the rest of this year. Next year (school year) is already heralding some changes and I've got come up with the game plan to meet those challenges.
But for the update, I have lost officially, about 30 lbs. I still have about 10-15 more I would like to lose. Of course, in that same vein, now that I can see the finish line, I find myself slacking. Not finding the time for gym and relaxing a little too much in my diet. Time for a course correction. The fact is that I do not want to be on these drugs for the rest of my life. They are not cheap. So it is a fine time to buckle down and get the rest of the weight off. Maintenance, and the idea of it, scares me a little. I'm worried that once I'm on my own, I'll slide right back down to where I was. It's happened before. And no matter how much I love the fact that it's easier to shop to for clothes, easier to do yoga, easier everything; I'm afraid that I will forget.
But I will figure out how to cross that treacherous bridge when I get there. Right now, I have to think in terms of "Finish Line". I cannot flag or fail or rest, I must give the last full measure of devotion. Though I do not pretend to have served in any sort of armed conflicts; my weight and my life have been my Gettysburg. I was both the Union and the Confederacy. I have looked myself in the eye across the green fields of war and known that it would end here, one way or the other.
I will cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.
But for the update, I have lost officially, about 30 lbs. I still have about 10-15 more I would like to lose. Of course, in that same vein, now that I can see the finish line, I find myself slacking. Not finding the time for gym and relaxing a little too much in my diet. Time for a course correction. The fact is that I do not want to be on these drugs for the rest of my life. They are not cheap. So it is a fine time to buckle down and get the rest of the weight off. Maintenance, and the idea of it, scares me a little. I'm worried that once I'm on my own, I'll slide right back down to where I was. It's happened before. And no matter how much I love the fact that it's easier to shop to for clothes, easier to do yoga, easier everything; I'm afraid that I will forget.
But I will figure out how to cross that treacherous bridge when I get there. Right now, I have to think in terms of "Finish Line". I cannot flag or fail or rest, I must give the last full measure of devotion. Though I do not pretend to have served in any sort of armed conflicts; my weight and my life have been my Gettysburg. I was both the Union and the Confederacy. I have looked myself in the eye across the green fields of war and known that it would end here, one way or the other.
I will cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
You Say "Obsession" Like it's a BAD Thing...
Everyone who knows me knows that my attention span is finite. I am capable of great concentration, but for short blocks of time only. So when I feel myself losing my focus on my goals, I like to shift that focus. Find something else to fixate on for a bit, to break up the monotony.
So the weight loss is still proceeding apace; though not at the pace I would like. I'm down 25 lbs. now, which makes me incredibly happy. Although, I can admit, with some irritation, that I don't seem to be rapidly dropping any sizes. What does a girl have to do to go down a pants size...or a bra size?! I would gladly do something semi-drastic if it meant I could drop a cup size.
Did you ever see that cartoon, I'm not sure which one, where the dam is leaking and the cartoon character sticks a finger in it, to plug it up? Once that happens, another leak springs, so he plugs that, then another and so on. The point of the exercise really seems to be that sometimes there is a "butterfly effect" with your life. Fix one issue, and 2 more spring into focus. That happens to me. A lot.
My dear hubby's chief complaint was that I had gained too much weight, let myself go one bridge too far. Clearly, I am amending that situation and he is much pleased and happy with my progress. (not sure how much I'm willing to care about that at this moment) So, next on his list of Things-Wrong-With-Amanda is that my job sucks and pays no money. I can pay my bills, but I can't get ahead. There are a slew of cutting and sometimes nasty things he likes to say about that on a regular basis. I used to kind of ignore it, but it kept coming back to bite me. The fight was always the same. I decided this was very serious. A lot of marriages break up over money. A lot. This isn't the rock I'm willing to run my marriage aground on. So I start taking some small steps. Research is something that comes naturally to me. It's my reflex. If I want to know something or learn something, my battle cry is "I need a book!"
So long story less long...several financial & relationship books later; I realize I have been living my life in chaos. I need to be organized. Things need a place to be. How can anyone respect me or my skills if I clearly have no respect for them myself?
I'm still losing my weight, and I hope to reach goal by Beltane (May Day). But the weight loss is just plugging the dam, I've got to get my act together.
fuck the butterfly.
So the weight loss is still proceeding apace; though not at the pace I would like. I'm down 25 lbs. now, which makes me incredibly happy. Although, I can admit, with some irritation, that I don't seem to be rapidly dropping any sizes. What does a girl have to do to go down a pants size...or a bra size?! I would gladly do something semi-drastic if it meant I could drop a cup size.
Did you ever see that cartoon, I'm not sure which one, where the dam is leaking and the cartoon character sticks a finger in it, to plug it up? Once that happens, another leak springs, so he plugs that, then another and so on. The point of the exercise really seems to be that sometimes there is a "butterfly effect" with your life. Fix one issue, and 2 more spring into focus. That happens to me. A lot.
My dear hubby's chief complaint was that I had gained too much weight, let myself go one bridge too far. Clearly, I am amending that situation and he is much pleased and happy with my progress. (not sure how much I'm willing to care about that at this moment) So, next on his list of Things-Wrong-With-Amanda is that my job sucks and pays no money. I can pay my bills, but I can't get ahead. There are a slew of cutting and sometimes nasty things he likes to say about that on a regular basis. I used to kind of ignore it, but it kept coming back to bite me. The fight was always the same. I decided this was very serious. A lot of marriages break up over money. A lot. This isn't the rock I'm willing to run my marriage aground on. So I start taking some small steps. Research is something that comes naturally to me. It's my reflex. If I want to know something or learn something, my battle cry is "I need a book!"
So long story less long...several financial & relationship books later; I realize I have been living my life in chaos. I need to be organized. Things need a place to be. How can anyone respect me or my skills if I clearly have no respect for them myself?
I'm still losing my weight, and I hope to reach goal by Beltane (May Day). But the weight loss is just plugging the dam, I've got to get my act together.
fuck the butterfly.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Meanwhile, Back on the Ranch...
Again, I go AWOL...but this time I am coming back with good news. 20 lbs are gone. Where have they gone? I don't know. Also, not interested in finding them again. I spent most of September, October and November diligently working out with my EvilTrainer. December I took a pass, but despite enjoying several holiday treats, I only gained about a pound, which is unprecedented for me. Now we are almost to the end of January and I've given myself a reboot. Since last week, I've lost that holiday pound. I'm getting back to eating the things that are better for me and writing them down and I have gone back into the gym; even when I would rather not.
This, to me, is progress. On to the next 20 lbs!
This, to me, is progress. On to the next 20 lbs!
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