How do we manage our expectations? Our expectations of ourselves, or the expectations that others have of us? How do we deal with not only disappointing ourselves, but those we love? And when those we love turn from us, because of how we've let ourselves go, how it cuts us and all we can do is bleed.
The last thing I've ever wanted to do was disappoint anyone. The worst feeling in the world to me is that I've failed. Either as a student, a daughter, a wife or an employee. Now, realistically, everyone fails at some point, it's just a fact of human existence, and we can no more avoid it than we can avoid death or taxes.
I'd like to make some excuse for failing. That I was trying to do too much other stuff, that I had too much on my plate to concentrate on that too, but the fact remains the same. Once again, I didn't meet expectations and once again, I let someone I love down by doing so.
What truly amazes me is how little I seem to expect of myself. Have I just grown so accustomed to trying, half-assed trying and falling short that I'm no longer surprised when it doesn't work? They always say you won't succeed until you are doing for yourself. But for me, I don't seem to be sufficient motivation for myself. Which brings me to this other thought, do I think this is all I deserve?
How do you decide how much you are worth?
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